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Friday, January 16, 2009

Cold winds pluck at skin,
teasing hair from scarves and the
feeling from old bones.

3 comments:

diana l. said...

These haikus are starting to make me want to stay inside.

Painfully well done!

Pat Trombly said...

YES. It's got the right degree of onomatopoeia, alliteration and assonance without forcing them. It draws the viewer in and makes the viewer feel what you're trying to say. You take the right 1 cent words and arrange simple bricks to make a well-designed wall, rather than just assembling a collection of 50 cent words and leaving the viewer with a pile of expensive bricks. Yes. And I ESPECIALLY like that you reference each body part individually, independently, as if a separate entity. That invites a clearer, closer focus. I think this is the best one I've seen so far.

Dave King said...

This one does all that should be asked of it.