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Thursday, January 22, 2009

chilly night chore
finding air pump to fix flat
and making change

Posted by Reihaisha at 8:32 PM  

6 comments:

Area 17 said...

Brrrrrrr!

I really liked this haiku. It captures an everyday chore that we never want to do perfectly.

I wonder if you drop the last line because you catch the essence so well with the first part?


chilly night chore
finding the air pump
to fix the flat

Alan

January 23, 2009 at 2:11 AM  
nora said...

I agree with Alan. Kudos for turning a problem into poetry!

January 23, 2009 at 3:19 AM  
diana l. said...

Reihaisha has a knack for that!
(Sorry about your misfortune.)

January 23, 2009 at 1:08 PM  
Reihaisha said...

The largest part of the challenge arriving the gas station at 1 AM and having the cashier not opening the till to make change (50 cents) unless a purchase was made. I only had a single dollar bill and had to scrounge inside my car to get the change and not wait for someone to come in and buy something. ;)

January 23, 2009 at 3:51 PM  
diana l. said...

So, you had emotional reasons for that last line!

January 24, 2009 at 8:28 PM  
Area 17 said...

It's one of the most challenging aspects of haiku, what to leave out, but have enough negative space to suggest what you did, or might have left out.

I agonised over one poem for months trying to get everything in. I then put it in a drawer for a month when I had gone as far as I could in the editing process. When I took the poem out it looked okay without all the information and it even won a haiku competition, and the judge got everything I wanted a reader to get but was in the negative space .

chilly night
my hands find change
for the flat (tire)

cold night
I get my hands on some change
for the flat (tire)

chilly night chore
I find the air pump
and now for change

Just thinking out aloud, but this could turn into a useful challenge a la Shiki.

Write a hundred quick haiku/poems around that night!

all my best,

Alan
The With Words Competition 2009

.

January 27, 2009 at 7:02 AM  

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